“Are You Phasing Me Out?” - How This Marketing VP Responded in the Moment
What to do when a direct report asks the question you’re not ready to answer.
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“Are you phasing me out?”
Shannon Curran wasn’t prepped for this question from her direct report. She didn’t have a talk track for the answer. She hadn’t cleared it with HR. And she wasn’t even sure what she wanted to do next.
But the truth was, she had been struggling for weeks.
The executive team had asked her to get clarity on pipeline reporting, and this person owned that responsibility. But the numbers weren’t making sense. And the answers weren’t coming.
So she told the truth.
“I respect the shit out of you. That is so great that you are taking control over this situation. But I am struggling to see how you will ever feel good here.”
That moment set everything in motion.
Shannon had to decide, right then, how to handle the rest of the conversation, how to exit someone gracefully, and how to lead her team through the transition.
Most startup managers don’t get training on how to handle situations like this.
So if you’ve ever inherited a team where expectations were unclear. Faced a conversation you didn’t feel ready for. Or, been unsure what to say next...
You know how tricky these types of conversations feel.
When you know, you know
Shannon didn’t wake up planning to have that conversation in their 1:1.
But when her direct report confronted the issue head-on, she didn’t rush to soften the moment or dodge the tension. She considered her options. She could have deferred; said “let’s regroup in a week” and used that time to loop in HR. She could have punted; redirected the conversation to performance data and avoided tackling it.
She could have hidden behind process; waiting for a formal review cycle to let the situation play out.
Instead, she chose to be honest.
This person was hired into a role that didn’t fit. He had strong relationships across the company. He worked hard. He wanted to succeed. But the executive team was frustrated. The data wasn’t clear. And when Shannon dug in, it became obvious that the root issue wasn’t the IC on the team. It was the person managing them.
Unfortunately, that person was the one asking the question.
Coaching ICs is one thing - managing managers is another
Shannon had never managed people managers before.
She knew how to coach ICs. She knew how to push work across the finish line. But managing managers was different. This was new territory. More complexity. Higher stakes.
You don’t just coach them. You trust them to set the tone.
And when something is off, you have to figure out whether the problem is skill, structure, or fit - and then have the courage to act.
She tried to coach this manager up. She held weekly 1:1s to talk through the gaps. She gave direct feedback about what wasn’t working and tried to build clarity around expectations. She looked for progress. For signals that things were shifting.
But the gap didn’t close. And while she was still trying to find a path forward, her direct report sensed something was off.
He walked into their next 1:1 and asked the question:
“Are you phasing me out?”
It caught her off guard. But she didn’t deflect.
She paused. Took a breath. And answered honestly.
“I'm struggling to see a version of this job that will ever make you feel successful. I care about you, and I don't want to put you through three months of painful experiments, trying to find a fit that probably doesn’t exist here.”
She wasn’t trying to push them out, she was being real about what wasn’t working. He appreciated the honesty, even if it stung.
They went on a walk that day. He agreed to help transition the work. He even helped hire a contractor to take over reporting. And he stayed on for a few more months to ensure a smooth handoff.
When he eventually left, he did it with grace.
Just two professionals being honest about what was (and wasn’t) working.
If you're a manager today, you will eventually face a moment like this.
A team member will ask a question you’re not ready to answer. You’ll realize someone you care about is in the wrong role. You’ll have to decide if you’re willing to be the one who says it.
Those are the moments that shape your reputation as a leader.
Shannon could have played it safe. She could have deferred. She could have hidden behind a process. But instead, she trusted her instincts.
She showed that honesty doesn’t have to be harsh. It can be respectful. Empathetic. And still clear.
You don’t need to have all the answers. But you do need to be honest.
Catch Shannon’s entire story on YouTube
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